Today has been a not so-good day…meh. Woke up at 6 and couldn’t go back to sleep besides I think for 30 more minutes. Mike text me asking if he could pick up Kimora. I told him no. I know it was wrong and I should’ve let him take her but I was still upset that he no-showed yesterday without an explanation. I hate that he thinks it’s okay to do things like that and then I’m supposed to turn around and be nice to him…I’m sorry but that’s not how things work. I know it’s not about me, it’s about Kimora and I shouldn’t put her in the middle…I know all these things and yet I still told him no. I feel bad about it but I just can’t help it. He said I knew today was his day off and that he was gonna come get her. I knew it was his day off only because I pay attention when he tells me these things but he never said anything about coming to get her. I told him he can pick her up tomorrow but I’m pretty sure he’s not. We’ll see.

My sister seems to like to talk shit to me more and more as we get older. I’m not sure what I did to her or if she’s just like that with everyone. Either way she was trying to make me feel bad because I’m having a c-section. I don’t think that she remembered that I had an emergency c-section with Kimora. Once you have a c-section usually the next babies are born that way too. Most doctors will not even let you try to deliver normal. There are doctors that will do it but you have to find them and that’s if you feel comfortable trying to the normal route. I for one don’t. There’s a reason why I had to have a c-section. I don’t want to take any chances and neither do both doctors I’ve had. To me mine and my son’s health is way more important than me feeling I have to prove anything to anyone by having a normal delivery. My luck is I would try to have a normal delivery and end up needing another emergency c-section…or something worse happening. Sorry, not taking the risk. Sure it makes me feel weird making an appointment to just have my child taken out of me. Yes, I wish badly I could’ve delivered normally. No, I don’t look to the recovery from a c-section. But thing happen for a reason and I’m not fighting it. I rather be safe than sorry.